


The Misadventures of Obi-wan Kenobi

by War_of_Stars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Do Not Copy Onto Another Site, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Protective Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/War_of_Stars/pseuds/War_of_Stars
Summary: When Ahsoka Tano is imprisoned for a crime Obi-wan knows she didn’t commit, the Jedi Master calls in a favor from... an old friend.Friendbeing a relative term.Listen, joining Cad Bane as his partner in crime isn’t even the craziest thing he’s done thatweek, so really, Obi-wan thinks everyone needs to chill. Especially since him becoming a bounty hunter somehow screws up the diabolical plans of... well, pretty mucheveryone, really.In which Palpatine (and the entire galaxy) is confused, Yoda wonders if everyone in his lineage is just a little bit insane(himself included), Cody is pretty sure he’s going to get grey hairs before he’s 30, Ahsoka and Ventress deservenoneof this, and Anakin just wants his master back.
Relationships: Cad Bane & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Asajj Ventress
Comments: 57
Kudos: 401





	1. Chapter 1

Obi-wan Kenobi was either the stupidest or smartest man Cad Bane had ever met.

“You do know how crazy your plan is, right?”

“I do believe I’m paying you a tidy sum of credits to carry it through,” the auburn haired man spoke up indignantly, pausing only to fire the laser cannon at the starfighters headed their way, forcing them to retreat as the Jedi Master hit the tail end of their wings.

“You missed,” Bane snapped. His aim was better than that, he’d known from experience with Hardeen.

“Well, I don’t actually want to _kill_ them!” he snapped.

Bane sighed. He wondered if any sum of credits was enough to be dealing with Kenobi, but three hundred thousand was too much to ignore completely.

_“How do you even have that much money?” he’d asked Kenobi when the Jedi had arranged for their secret meeting. His first mistake — he should’ve blasted the Jedi who’d betrayed him and never looked back._

_“Weekly temple stipend. I’ve been saving up... in case of emergencies,” he’d shrugged. “So are you going to help me or not?”_

“Master I — I don’t know what to say.”

Bane sighed and turned away as the little Togruta spoke up, focusing on piloting the ship and outrunning the giant Republic cruiser headed their way, leaving the explanations to Kenobi.

Let him explain why they currently had five battalions after them. Let him explain why he decided to break into the most heavily guarded prison in the galaxy. Let him explain how they somehow picked up Dooku’s little former apprentice along the way, a very ticked off Asajj Ventress who did _not_ look happy to be there.

He _definitely_ should’ve asked for more credits.

He’s worked with nutjobs before, but he wonders if Kenobi is just a little too much to handle, even for him.

***************

Ahsoka Tano wanted answers, and she wanted them _now_. 

She hand’t known what to think when Master Kenobi had entered her cell the day before her trial, saying something about a last minute prisoner transfer authorized by the Council. She wasn’t a Jedi anymore, so did they even have the authority to do that? Apparently the clones hadn’t known either, but they’d complied quickly enough when Master Kenobi mind-tricked them. 

Then, of course, she’d gotten a hurried explanation of how her grandmaster was breaking her out, because he didn’t believe _for a second_ that she would ever do something like this. Which Ahsoka appreciated, atleast until they’d gotten to a small transport shuttle in the hangar bay surrounded by unconscious clones, and she’d realized their getaway driver was _Cad Bane_.

Of all the grandmasters in the Jedi Order, she just had to get the lunatic, didn’t she? Though, Anakin wasn’t any better at coming up with a realistic plan, so she supposed he had to have learned it from someone. 

“Where are we going? How are we even going to get off Coruscant? And why is _she_ here?” Ahsoka gestured to Ventress, who scowled.

“Watch it, Tano. I could still turn you in for that bounty.”

“You could, but you’re not going to,” Obi-wan cut in, their ship rising out of Coruscant’s atmosphere. 

“Ahsoka, I — “ 

A hit to one of their cannons rocked the ship, interrupting him, as Ahsoka grasped a console to steady herself. 

“Bane! Go into hyperspace, now!” Ventress gritted her teeth, losing her patience.

“Don’t tell me how to do my job!” Bane yelled back, but he pushed the lever anyway, and the world outside their shuttle dissolved into a bright blue fog, streaks of effervescent stars racing past them.

***************

The four relaxed as they escaped their pursuers, Ventress and Ahsoka leaning on the walls. Obi-wan turned around from his gunner seat, smiling faintly. 

“Well, that was a little close for comfort.”

“If a broken ion cannon is your idea of a little close, then yeah, I guess it was,” Bane drawled.

“Sorry about that,” Obi-wan responded, with a calm expression on his face, his hands resting in his lap. Ahsoka had always admired her grandmaster’s unflappable nature, but in a situation as startling and maddening as the one she was now in, it was starting to irritate her a bit.

“Okay, so _now_ can you tell me what’s going on? And why are _they_ here?”

“Certainly,” Obi-wan responded, before Bane or Ventress could retort.

“I knew you were innocent, Ahsoka. I’ve known from the beginning, and I certainly wasn’t about to let you face execution for a crime you hadn’t committed.”

“So I broke you out, and had Bane pick up Ventress along the way, since you were last seen with her. She’ll help us figure out who’s really behind the bombing — apparently the culprit stole her lightsabers. Quite rude, if you ask me.”

“Or maybe she’s the one behind it!” Ahsoka snapped, which was what she’d been dying to say since they’d gotten on this ship.

“I’m right here, Tano. Why in the Corellian hells would I bomb the Jedi Temple? I’m not a Separatist anymore and I could care less about the Jedi. Besides, do you see any lightsabers on me?” 

Ventress gestured to her sides, and Ahsoka realized she was right. 

“And him?” Ahsoka jutted her chin to the blue-skinned Duros, whose unsettling ruby eyes seemed to track every movement.

“Well, it turns out not that many bounty hunters want to break into the Republic’s most heavily guarded prison for a Jedi. Bane was one of the few who was happy to help out.”

“For a fee,” the bounty hunter corrected, tipping his hat towards Ahsoka in acknowledgement. 

“Hey, aren’t you the Jedi that bombed the Temple?”

“ _Accused_ of bombing the Temple,” she huffed, crossing her arms.

Bane gave her a second look, something like respect in his gaze. Wonderful. Now she’s earned the approval of one of the most murderous low-lifes in the galaxy.

Ahsoka sighed, resigned to the fact that this was probably her best chance of proving her innocence. “So, what’s the plan, Master Obi-wan?”

Obi-wan coughed. “Yes, about that... well, I wouldn’t call it a plan, exactly, I was kind of hoping you or Ventress would have some idea of who might try to frame you.”

She blinked. Of course, how could she forget? Half the time, Master Obi-wan came up with some half-baked plan that blew up in his face, but most of the time he... improvised. 

Ahsoka threw up her hands. Could this day get any worse?

***************

It got worse.

It got a lot worse.

At that moment, a flash of light on the nearby steel counter caught her eye. A datapad screen flickered with colorful images... images she recognized. 

“Ahsoka? What is it?” Obi-wan frowned at the horrified expression that crossed her face.

She pointed frantically. “Apparently the Republic’s put a bounty on all four of us.” She picked up the datapad to show them.

Bane’s jaw dropped, her grandmaster’s frown deepened, and Ventress swore. 

“Three million credits?!”

Obi-wan sighed. “Oh dear. This _might_ be a problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it basically took a pandemic to get me really back into fanfiction, but here we are! Hope y’all are safe, wherever you are! 
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy, and would greatly appreciate any kudos/comments!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone reacts to the recent news. Starring Palps’ creepy Jedi Council doll collection.

_”Breaking news! Renowned Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi, otherwise known as The Negotiator, has helped suspected murderer Ahsoka Tano escape from Coruscant’s maximum security prison, along with former Separatist Asajj Ventress and notorious bounty hunter Cad Bane...”_

Quinlan Vos watched the HoloNet screen in disbelief, before slapping his forehead. “Kenobi, what have you gotten yourself into this time?”

***************

“Was he mind tricked? Dragged against his will?”

“I believe he went willingly, ma’am.” 

Bant sighed.

***************

“Oh! Look at me! I’m Master Kenobi and I just love to kriff up all of Palpatine’s plans!” Palpatine screeched in a high-pitched sound, waving his little Obi-wan doll around in his handmade Jedi Council chair before tearing it to shreds. 

Well, time to make the 58th Kenobi doll.

Palpatine sighed. He just wanted to conquer the galaxy, did the Jedi Master really have to make things difficult for him? The worst part was half the time it wasn’t intentional — Kenobi would just do something insane that he hadn’t expected (because foolishly, Palpatine had assumed the Jedi had brains and could use them), and Palpatine would just have to account for it.

Palpatine walked over and stared speculatively at his intricate serial killer-esque drawing board, fingering the photograph of Kenobi with its eyes cut out and little horns on his head, because that blasted Jedi ruined too many of his plans and he could be petty like that. 

Well, _this_ was going to change a few things.

***************

Anakin Skywalker was going to drag his master back into the Temple and lock him up in there for the rest of the war (and maybe his padawan, but Ahsoka actually has a decent head on her shoulders and was probably just going along with Obi-wan’s plan because it was the only option she had left).

***************

Cody was going to help him. Along with the rest of the 212th. 

***************

Yoda calmly continued eating his stew as the members of the esteemed Jedi Council collectively lost their shit after hearing the news. 

He certainly wasn’t missing dinner for his grandpadawan’s antics. 

*************** 

Mace Windu rubbed his eyes as Shaak Ti and Master Mundi yelled at each other — and by yelled he means politely raised their voices, because it was unbecoming of Jedi Council members to get in screaming matches — for the third time. 

He’s too used to Obi-wan’s antics by now, but the council apparently hadn’t learned much from their few years with the Jedi master. Or maybe they’d just forgotten about the Jinn-Kenobi days. 

Mace shuddered. 

Those were dark times.

***************

Qui-gon’s never been prouder of his former padawan.

He always knew he had it in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all, Obi-wan is just living his best life. Seriously, everyone needs to stop being so concerned that he ran off with a murder suspect, a former Sith apprentice, and the most dangerous bounty hunter in the galaxy.


End file.
